Senior Reflection

Coming into my senior year I was extremely trepidatious about my senior English class. Last year my  worst grade was English and I was afraid to have that trend repeat itself in my last and most important year of high school. Fortunately this year's English class has been an extremely pleasant surprise for my writing and analyzing self esteem.  I have learned that I can write well and that my opinion can be expressed fluidly and eloquently in my writing. Blogging really helped me organize and solidify my thoughts which fundamentally allowed me to write better! Although many of my peers may disagree, I really enjoyed utilizing the iPad and having all my course work in one place. Overall I really enjoyed this senior English class and I'm extremely grateful to Dr.Forman for this.

The Stranger: First Body Paragraph

Unconsciously mysterious and bland, Meursault keeps his personal life and sentiments a mystery to the reader for the majority of the book. By having an untrustworthy and dull “protagonist” to base an analysis on, the reader can make misjudged or misperceived conclusions and or statements about the book's context or the motives of its characters. I believe that if the readers were given a more engaged and captivating narrator to follow their perceptions and connections with the text would be drastically altered. They would be more insightful and understanding due to the depth and details one usually receives from a dynamic and involved protagonist. The sole glimpse of personal life we ever see is in the first half of the book when Maman suddenly dies. Initially surprising to the readers, Meursault seemed absolutely unaffected by the death of his mother. He was even seen dozing off during her vigil, which I personally find very disturbing. He never went through stages of denial or regret, things most people think comes naturally to anyone in morning, but then again he displayed nothing close to morning. Unbeknownst to us, Maman and Meursault had what some would consider an intimate and tight knit relationship. How can we assume he does not love his mother or care about her passing without sufficient anecdotes or personal insight of the matter?

Stranger Intro

A man of few words and many emotional detachments, Meursault, remains a stranger to the reader for much of the novel. After much analysis of Meursault's morality and decision making, I have come to the conclusion that we the readers are deprived from a truly informing experience due to Meursault's emotional and moral absence. We lack the essential inner knowledge of the protagonist, something most readers find as common place within a novel. By not knowing his motives, desires or perspective throughout much of the book we become the strangers to Meursault's strange and seemingly intricate life.

Essay Outline

Intro: A man of few words and many emotional detachments, Meursault, remains a stranger to the reader for much of the novel. After much analysis of Meursault's morality and decision making, I have come to the conclusion that we the readers are deprived from a truly informing experience due to Meursault's emotional and moral absence.

Paragraph one: Not even when faced with the death of his dear mother does Meursault demonstrate any form of sadness or denial. By not allowing the reader to see an emotional attachment, Meursault opens doors to misinformed judgment and criticism.

Paragraph two: The beach scene

The Stranger essay

After having seen Meursault in various situations most people would consider frighteningly immoral I have come to the conclusion that his lack of emotion and engagement with his surrounding peers has made his perception of the world a bit distorted and deprived of what actual human engagement and reality is. As the readers, we are left with missing pieces that should purposely make us find our own path to take when reading The Stranger. My question is "If Meursault were more engaging and emotionally captivated by his surroundings, would the story be told differently?"

Thesis: Meursault's lack of emotional and interest driven presence prevents the reader from truly experiencing everything that occurs to him in his life.

Translator's Note

                    As read in the Translator's note, the absence or lack of emotions, motives and even morality that Meursault demonstrates in The Stranger is more significant than it may appear to the reader. It is through this lack of presence and natural human tendencies that Camus invites us to put ourselves in Meursault's inner being and imagine what is is that makes him tick. By putting ourselves in the depths  of Meursault's conscious we are one step closer to getting to know the seemingly dry and absent Meursault for who he truly is. I personally have yet to have said discovery but I a staying optimistic. The closest thing I've seen to a moral compass was when Meursault was invited by Raymond to joking him at the whorehouse and refused. He had seemed so adamant about his friendship with Raymond that for a while it seemed impossible to have him say no.

The Stranger

                   Every author has his or her own writing style which portrays the story or concept they are trying to translate to the reader. While both Kafka and Conrad go into depth when describing the inner most feelings and sentiments of their protagonists, Camus seems to barely scratch the emotional surface that the complex Monsieur Meursault seems to hide from the world. After further analyzing, one can see can this style of disengagement and reservation as a reflection on Camus himself. Is he himself a man of few words and no real sentimental connections to anyone, not even his own mother? I see this as a complete polar opposite to Kafkah's writing style in Metamorphosis. In Metamorphosis,  the lack of attention and acknowledgement the main character receives from his family after his transformation is deeply affecting him. One can read the emotional thirst the poor Gregor feels through Kafkah's explicit use of a style full of want and longing.

Middle Sex v. Middlesex

                   My free read Middlesex by Jennifer Eugenides is a journey of self discovery through a journal style piece. Compared to the more dramatic Metamorphosis by Kafka, Middlesex evokes more of a personal experience to the reader, allowing for a fully engaging reading experience. In Metamorphosis, the main character experiences a dramatically unexpected change in both physical appearance and mobility. I feel as though my free read, Middlesex, can attest to the transformative nature of Metamorphosis through its in depth and personal analysis of transgender life.
                  In Kafka's Metamorphosis, the dark and urban setting of the main character's transformation puts the experience in a different persepective. The isolation and denial that both the main character and his family undergo is extremely visible in the Kafka's writing style. For example "the lack of all immediate human contact" that Gregor, experience as a disgusting vermin is seen here when his family fundamentally isolates him and stops caring for him and his room. The sense of emotion and depression is definitely seen here through Kafka's language and style.

Genesis and Darwin

               Although both the biblical Genesis and Darwin's theory of evolution speak of the origins of mankind and any form of life for that matter, there are extreme differences in language one notices when further analyzing each text. Genesis, the biblical creation story, tells us that God carefully worked over a span of seven days to create the entire world as we know it. When analyzed further one sees that this creation story can be interpreted as a childhood bedtime story. The chronological order is described very simply, "And God said" "So God created..." , as if to appeal to and be comprehended by people of all ages. The fact that this is a biblical text puts its purpose into an entirely different perspective. As the first text read when reading a bible or torah, Genesis sets the stage for the modern world and its language and tone dictates rather discreetly to the reader what God created and what He wanted said creations to do. This forever puts a burden on the reader by placing God's expectations and wishes upon their shoulders. Who would dare defy the word of God?
                As for Darwin's theory of evolution, the text reads as a more humble approach to a scientific epiphany. When reading the text one sees that Darwin seems rather afraid in his language and expects  backlash from this text, something I'm sure he received shortly after publishing his theory. Darwin's publication comes from an extremely different standpoint, one of humility and vulnerability. A scientist whose's theory might possibly revolutionize the world versus religious dictation is a striking difference. This difference provides the reader with a different interoperation and sees Darwin's theory as more of an optional faith, "I by no means expect to convince experienced naturalists", whereas the biblical Genesis is a metaphorically shoved down one's throat because it is what God commanded.
                Two strikingly different texts that speak of the same topic through radically different interpretations have revolutionized our train of thought when contemplating our origin and the meaning of all existence. Whether one chooses to believe in Darwin's theory or Genesis is entirely up to the person but one thing is clear, the means and styles through which these beliefs are communicated are radically different.

Free Read

I honestly love my free read book! It's so interesting and culturally stimulating. I mean a Greek transvestite is pretty dynamic... The book is written like a memoir and that's one of the best things about for me.

Interpret the Ending

           The ending to Metamorphosis by Kafka left me with many unanswered questions... I couldn't grasp the situation in an instant but after further analyzing the events that transpired  I came to realize that one can interpret this sadly strange ending in a couple of very different ways. For instance, one could see Gregor's death as the heartless nature of the world. He was just another poor and worn out soul that met his end when the vicious cycle of life came for him. I would rather interpret it as such than what I'm about to suggest. Another possible interpretation of this very unfortunate ending is that Gregor never gave up supporting for his family. If one delve into the actual blue print of the situation in which the Samsas found themselves in when Gregor became an insect one sees that Gregor led to his family's epiphany for independent success. If it weren't for Gregor's transformation the Samsas would have never been able to experience the joys they experienced as their own providers! They've all come to know the value of their labor and they are past the point of leaching off Gregor. They've even gone as far as to consider Gregor the pest when they themselves were in that very position beforehand. In conclusion I see the ending to Metamorphosis as a sacrifice; an unconscious sacrifice that had to transpire in order for the the Samsas to learn their lesson of self reliance. This forced teaching seemed to work and the bright future of possible marriage and success the book ends on further proves the point that in order for all of this to happen, Gregor had to give of himself till the very end in order to ensure his family's well being. He had to give up his body in order for his sister to metamorphisize "into a beautiful and voluptuous young woman."  Gregor's carcass was the offering needed to allow his sister to full develop and embrace her "young body."

Kafka Finale

I've never been as upset with an ending as I am right now! It was so  disheartening to see that Gregor's parents and sister have completely tossed out his corpse and existence like last week's spoiled milk. How can they forget everything he's done with them?! How dare they refer to him as an "it"... If only they knew what it felt like to give their all in order to care for someone other than themselves. Just like the rubbish that eventually accumulated inside of his room, Gregor became a forgot trinket and plaything who was eventually seen as a major nuance. A leach can only survive as long as its host remains alive. I guess these leaches just found another way of living...

Kafka Reading 45

In last night's reading I really began to really see how Gregor's family has treated over the course of his transformation. He's become his sister's puppy dog, whom she does not appropriately care for. He has also become the new maid's fascination! His room is filthy and he has no one to fully care for him so his family has definitely not payed him back for all the hours of work he dedicated to their well being. There has been no fruit to his labor and I feel as though his hard work has been wasted by his ungrateful family.

My Conrad essay...

As I was writing this essay I recall really feeling a connection to the text. I felt like I knew the Africa Conrad was depicting and I could really imagine the scenes. I think that really came in handy when writing this essay. Someone who really connects to the book, I believe, can further analyze it and display a deeper sense of understanding when compared to someone who just read without any profound connection. This essay gave me the space I needed to delve into topics I kind of felt were a bit taboo and might get under some people's skin. Reading in class was extremely enjoyable and I am extremely grateful for it. By allowing myself to have the time and dedication I needed in order to fully execute this paper. I truly feel as though my participation in this class has given me the self discipline I will need for my collegiate work.

Metamorphosis reading (35)

It seems to me that Gregor is finally realizing his imminent life as a human sized insect. He almost has somewhat of an epiphany due to his condition which I believe helps him sees his life through a different lens. I see Gregor coming to the conclusion that his family has been taking advantage of him and might have some resent towards them towards the end of the book.

Kafka Reading (25)

After reading further into the situation which the character finds himself in we see some light shed on the subject. We see that the stressful and maybe even lifeless lifestyle of a salesman might be the caused of the protagonist's "metamorphosis!" It is also extremely interesting to see how the character's sister takes care of him and cares for him, something his fearful and dramatic parents seem to not be able to do. This bizarre transformation might possibly be a revelation of purpose that the main character undergoes in order to clear his mind and see what truly matters to him in life; his sister's guaranteed success.

Circle Discussion

Today in class our circle discussions really turned into deep and vey insightful conversations that I think  were extremely interesting. I loved how we applied what we had learned from the literature we have read to our lives and possible real life situations. I was a fluent part of the conversation and I kept trying to keep the ball rolling. By constantly asking questions and refreshing the topics we were discussing, my group successfully executed the task at hand, and enjoyed itself. Seeing how we interact as peers, I believe, is extremely helpful in seeing what one does and discusses well and what one might need some improvement on. Overall I always enjoy our circle in class discussions and I feel as though they give the class a dynamic twist.

Metamorphosis

In last night's reading I really enjoyed the detail the author provides when describing the main character's predicament! He really showed us how the character is controlled by his family's need to have him support them. His routine lifestyle may be the cause of his gruesome transformation

3rd Body Paragraph

If traced back to its original natal location, we see that humanity's home is indeed the ominously mysterious continent of Africa. Just as it was viewed in its earliest stages of colonialism as a place of savagery and darkness, people of the 21st century still tend to associate said continental location with barbarism and corruption. If observed through the Freudian lens, this universal fact of humanity's origin makes complete sense when seen as a segway into the context of Conrad's book Heart of Darkness. 

2nd Body Paragraph

Much like the experience Marlow has in Africa, an ego free zone, the human experience and condition for that matter through one's id are the building blocks for what Freud sees as our most natural ways of being. According to Freud "Men are not gentle, friendly creatures wishing for love", a statement that encapsulates the very nature of the human id which leads us to our animalistic origins as Freud would argue. Through the Freudian perspective much like the one of Marlow towards the natives and eventually the Europeans when in the Congo, humans are all malicious beings that are conceived through vile and perverse means, or so society tells us. By listening to the social norms of what one should and should not do we become susceptible to what society fabricates within us, the super ego. This level of our subconscious tells us what is morally right and wrong. Freud argues that due to the restraints society places on us through rules and regulations our true animalistic ways are suppressed and bottled up within us. Although repressed, this beastly subconscious deep down inside us all projects itself in many ways. Freud states that one can see one's deepest and most suppressed desires through dreams in which our most secret wishes no matter how vile or immoral are projected by are id. Following with the Freudian belief of an initial human corruption since conception, Freud states that children as oblivious clean slates untouched by society's grasp display how we truly act through sexual acts and desires. Infantile sexuality further proves that even in our most "innocent" stages of life we are still creatures of malicious and sexual abilities whose true desires are molded and distorted into what society views as a moral citizen.

1st Body Paragraph

Just as Marlow's darkness envelops his mindset and clouds his once "moral" European views, Conrad is just as capable of doing so by wiring the book Heart of Darkness. In Heart of Darkness Africa represents so much more than just a continental space on a map, it represents a both physical and mental realm where society has no hold on people. As a space of utter savagery, the Congo becomes Marlow's playground, so much so that he finds himself losing his affinity to the very people that joined him, the Europeans, on his journey to the epicenter of Africa and siding with Kurtz and his gang of savages. By further examining the predicament our protagonist Marlow finds himself in, we notice that this entire situation or literary work that reason might actually be an unconscious projection made by Conrad's subconscious id. By writing about liberation and wild African freedom Conrad uses Marlow as a means to escape the restraining European societal expectations he is surrounded by and places himself in a foreign land where nothing, not even his "superego" can control him.

Intro

As Marlow dives into the innermost darkness of central Africa he is faced with an unconscious that chooses to release itself once in the wild and free ambiance of the Congo. This inner darkness, previously suppressed by the European moral constraint, takes hold of Marlow and resides within him causing him to experience a voyage far beyond his wildest imaginations. As Freud and many other psychologists have stated, this inner darkness or "id" is a natural part of the profoundly complex human condition and is the foundation on which our primatial ways of life rest upon. As human beings we are composed of three subconscious levels, the ego, the superego and the id. According to Freud, our "superego" is fabricated by what society has implemented into our minds.

Conrad Essay Topic

As the birthplace of all of humanity Africa represents the heart of darkness for all of humanity, rather than just Conrad's supressed protagonist Marlow.

Karl

By using Freud's theory of secret wishes Karl connects Kurtz and Africa to Marlow and even Conrads inner most darkest desires. Stating that dreams can show us what our subconscious wants and what we unconsciously desire, Karl shows us that Conrad and Freud have more in common than their obsession with darkness. By penetrating into the wild abyss that is Africa Marlow is thrown into the dark realm of the id much like Freud who delves into darkness through dreams and nightmares. Karl further emphasized Conrad's connection to darkness through his literary works. By writing about someone as revolting and yet intriguing as Kurtz, Conrad demonstrates his secret wishes and allows them to show in his pieces.

Murfin

After reading Murfin I am more of a believer of Freudian theories. I loved how Murfin stated that we are all "Freudians" whether we know it or not. We all abide by the rules of super ego, ego and id and we all possess those darknesses Freud's theories state. I definitely see the connection here between Heart of Darkness and Murfin. Marlow journey into Africa unconsciously knowing that his inner id was about to turn his world upside down. Murfin believes that this occured to Marlow because of the already mention theory that we all abide by Freudian principles whether we know of it or not.

Heart of Darkness Ending

I recently finished Heart of Darkness and I am extremely confused as to what the ending actually meant or entailed for that matter. Will Marlow go back into Africa to fulfill his inner darkness? Will Kurtz's "Intended" find herself falling for Marlow because of his connection to Kurtz's final wishes? The one thing I did understand about the end is that Marlow lies for what he sees as the well being of Kurtz's "Intended." I also understand that Marlow's obsession with Kurtz will stay with him for the rest of his life, something that lead me to believe that he might even end up with Kurtz's fiancé. I can't wait to further analyze the ending in class and get some clarity on Marlow's future and post Africa life.

Reading Post

I believe that I've come to enjoy reading a bit more all thanks to the iPad. Reading used to be such a hassle for me because I would get so bored and lost in a text but somehow reading on the iPad helps me find my place in the book and fully understand what is happening within whatever I am reading. The iPad is such a practical device when reading and I truly feel as though it has allowed me to enjoy reading again and hopefully even make it a hobby of mine!

Comment

The woman is an interesting figure to me. To me she represents what women are capable of when in the wild. They are beautiful beats full of subduction and vice something that Conrad connects with Freud's belief of women. Freud sees them as lustful seductresses.

Heart of Darkness Comment

I found it extremely interesting when the raider and his nephew were discussing the dying mules. This was then connected the officials sent into Africa! I loved this connection because it's so accurate. The men are shipped into Africa just as the mules are herded into a region and then eventually die out.

Marlow: Blacks are inferior

According to Marlow, Africans can't control their ids because they are uncivilized. This is relevant to Freud's belief of uncontrollable desires every human has that a society suppresses. Since African society is more wild and "barbaric" they are free to express their inner most darkest desires that whites can't. 

Marlow might even connote their skin tone to their darkness both moral and physical. White society has made the British "pure" and superior because their ids are controlled and restrained due to European society. 

Comment

I found it extremely interesting how he described the baren land and the settlements the English constructed. He was very negative.

HOD connection to Freud

Africa acts as Euope's playground that allows colonialists to fully fulfill their darkest and filthiest desires. By doing so the Europeans that penetrate into Africa's inner most sanctum reach their internal peak by fulfill sinful desire that their homeland of England would not allow. This connects to Freud because Freud states that society restrains its citizens and suppresses animalistic tendencies Freud states we naturally have since birth. This take over of a free and wild land by already restrained men demonstrates the human struggle to realeaese our inner beasts, something Freud believes we all contain in the deepest and darest realm of our minds.

Marlow's narration

As a sarcastic narrator Marlow makes the reader have to read between the lines countless times. One example is the scene where the map of Africa contains red.

HOD

After reading the next five pages I see how the author gets lost in the descriptions and details of his surroundings. The fundamentally brings the reader under some sort of long and lush trance.

Heart of Darkness

The beginning of Heart of Darkness sets the reader on a very long path towards a journey. By beginning with a snap shot of time , an anchoring ship, the author places an emphasis on stillness and allows the reader to take the situation into perspective and really become a part of the lavish and dangerous journey the author took when he went to Africa. The stillness of the ship at the beginning of the book personally gave me a foreshadowing of a glacial pace which I'm assuming the story will move at. Although the journey may span over several descriptive pages I've always been intrigued by this era of conquest and colonization in Africa which is why I'm extremely excited to get through the book.